closed.

random

1. I just finished my mock exam.
2. i just ruined my whole exam by writing rubbish for every single paper, i didn't know i can crap until i study Ausmat.
3. I discovered how precious time is during Ausmat.
4. 3 hours ia always NOT enough.
5. My ear are never good when it comes to EALD listening =.=" [teruknya]
6. i dream of a friend who become my english teacher. And that was Zeeman. =.="
7. i love my teddy bear.
8. i scared i can't fly. really
9. i am slow.
   
10. i just watched 2 movies. the sixth sense. and he's just not into you. [or something like this]
11. i love my mp3.
12. i'm going home soon and i miss my doraemon.
13. sometimes, i think i become uglier as i grew older. But, does that really matter?
14. i like my purple pilot shaker.
15. my hair is long now.
16. i just don't feel like sleeping.
17. i wish people would be honest because i don't see the point of lying
18. i want to fly.
19. i don't like jenny
20. i somehow like to be alone, sometimes.
21. i talk to my bear.
22. i want shoes but i don't buy shoes.
23. i like my bed and my own space.
24. i like to read book. but not novels. but i still read novels.
25. i like TIME
26. i think reader digest is stupid =.="
27. i like jeans. and t-shirt with funny lines or cute lines
28. i used to like my t-shirt with the line "no boyfriend, no problem" Now, it's kept safely in my locker.
    
29. i like my EALD lecturer because he allows us to crap... =.="
30. i was surprised when i found out the my lecturer smokes!
    
31. i like things that have my name on them.
    
32. i like my name. Jaevon.
33. i like to eat Mamee maggi mee.
34. i enjoy reading bible.
35. i don't cry as much as i did last year.
36. i have a big secret.
37. i keep everything in my heart, that's why i'm hard to understand.
38. i never like people who wear "masks"
39. i am looking at sarah's coco crunch now, looks so tasty :P
40. why sarah sleeps so early?
41. sarah's bear is pregnant. and the culprit? my bear? dunno. xD
42. zeeman looks like a pao. or mantou. edible =.="
43. ich habe hunger.
44. i learned and forgot German =.="
45. i'm still worrying about my results, which i shouldn't.
46. i like joel.
47. is everyone sleeping?
48. i like to look at sky.
49. old friends touch my heart.
50. i know God cares, so i talk to Him.
    

and i will sleep now. it's 3.47 morning.

good morning everyone. You have TODAY to live.

what a week!

i was looking at my own reflection through the laptop screen. Just noticed that my hair grew longer, actually it's quite long compared to my bob cut look last year when i first reached here. The increased hair length has proven me that time has gone. Last year, i was anticipating my hair to grow longer because i couldn't keep long hair in high school. So, keeping long hair after high school graduation became a norm for Chinese school girls [particularly in Penang].

i remembered i waited my hair to grow long like working adults wait for their weekend holidays. i measured my hair length everyday. [just joking..] and kept asking people whether my hair grow longer. it's totally absurd as if i have nothing better to do...

then boom*

this year, i was suffocated by tonnes and tonnes of assignment and homework. i'm worried more about my test rather than my stupid hair length. I'm more concerned about my marks rather than my hair. without realizing, it's already near september. time is such a good enemy of mine. And my hair, i have no time to care, and my results turn from bad to worse almost every time. There are things that make me sad, frustrated and whatever feeling, you name it.

It is already near mock exam. Press on, just a few more weeks to go. I tell myself this everyday, yet i feel more burdened and tired, i don't like things to be too rush-y. Probably because I'm slow. Believe me, i really am very slow. And when things go too fast, i hardly hold them in my mind. That makes me feel so disappointed about myself. Yet, i still believe i can go through all this, with little faith, little appreciation, little care, little joy and a little more hard work...

just a short summary of the second term of ausmat which will end in no time...

1. i miss my family my dad and my sister a lot. My dad is a great dad who has never fail to support me. All the sms-es that he sent me when i told him about my mid term makes me felt so touched. and my sis, she's always good to me ever since i'm here. haha. i made Liyana so wanted to get a sister.. lalala... :D i think i'll stop here for this point because if i write more, i'll burst out crying like a kid lost her mother.

2.i did many exercise. as in "latihan". in the end, results also "very good"..as always. But that never stop me from trying harder. i still remember those time in F5, i did add maths. i erased until the paper had a big hole. then, cried then tried then cried then tried and curse the stupid paper xD. i think i'll curse applicable maths this time around.

3.i cried in front of my lecturer. I just couldn't control when i heard him saying "i'm like attending a funeral..." I tried to try my best, do my best, but yeah, nothing good happened, as always. This is why i hate expectation but can never escape from it. i say, "shit". because shit happens! Like what my lecturer put at the back of his car. "shit happens" and i would like to add.."all the time".

4.i feel so tired these days. i don't know why. i guess it's because of all the assignment. It's tiring because everyone has their own opinions and think in their own ways, some wants to make it very complicated. some don't agree. Some don't care. Some keep extremely quiet. Some facebook while doing assignment. Some just get lost while others started. Some get angry easily. [me =.="]. Some came late. some came and went back home. Some don't even bother to bring glue and scissors when the project required us to cut cut and paste paste. some has to clean up the room. some just went crazy and shouted out loud. :D some has been very helpful. some analyze very well. some became crocodile :D some smiled at all of us while we suffered...[i'm talking my bear=.="] All in all, i'm done with it! Yeah!

wait, i still have econ assignment to go. oh, man...

5. i don't mind sharing and helping my friends. If they ask in nice manner. You see, i say IF THEY ASK. i would be very willing to lend and share just if they ask. I'm not that type of people that would go around and ask everyone what they need, i don't think anyone here is.
in other words, i want to help friends, i don't mind sharing and i don't need any return. or maybe just a "thank you" will do.

But i don't like people backstabbing me, saying that I'm very selfish..yadda yadda. You don't even ask from me. Yet you said I'm selfish, as if you're my master and expect me to serve you? Sorry, I'm a servant to no one but only God. Sorry, sometimes it's too hard to get over things that hurt me so deeply, and there, relationship or whatever ship will ... crack. more often than not, a sorry just not enough to mend, like the titanic, it sank and never return.

It leaves scar...
sorry, i forgive but that left me in a trauma. I can't help it.

6. I'm glad that miss say said i improved. i'm happy. she's the only one who says i improved..though i don't really see much improvement..not really good..but at least i put in all my effort and it's being appreciated. hmm, now i don't hate physics much..quite like it even though my marks are not good.

7. i hate maths a lot. yes, this is what i think in this sem....but...but... but... still have to study... :(

8. i became a study machine. Study study and study. But i'm a non-productive machine. all i study i forget. very good huh? ish.

9.i lost a friend. Am i qualified to be a friend? hah, i wonder! It's the first time i felt so hard to talk to a person. err...how should i say. i prefer friends to be honest. i prefer friends who respect. Even we're close, i think respect must still be there. Familiarity breeds contempt. yeah..that's what i dislike but unavoidable... i used to think that, even we're close friends, that doesn't mean we don'thave to respect each others, when it comes to conversation, it's even more important, the tone the gesture. People think you are straightforward and funny and brave because you dare to say what others dare not, as you has such good skill in criticizing and "shooting". But, sometimes, it does hurt people's feeling. And why have i not seen your bravery in class?
Ah, it's complicated. and i have to say,

whateveritsoversaywhateveryoulikeandidontcaredowhatyoulikewhatever

*Our mindsets are different. it's so hard for people to understand each others. "I, myself, and me come first before everything on the earth" is the awfully noble mindset that they hold, so that they survive, in this cruel and unpredictable and 'no-one-should-be-trusted' life." [quoted]. This concept has long survived in this world. But that does not mean that those who dare to speak and raise issues are mean and "I, myself, and me come first before everything on the earth" . Because flaws have been seen, so voice it up and it's meant to be so. It does not mean that the efforts are disapproved or not appreciated, but when it has flaws, say it so that there is improvement. [Aren't you always do this every time when we finished our work? and never be satisfied?] Being silent does not mean that you are all angelic good. Just a coward pretends to be good. i am harsh. yes.

Some say sorry because they have the guts to say it out. That does not mean that they are not sincere. Does keeping the "sorry" in heart better than saying out loud? At least, saying it out does show that there's sincerity. If not, why bother saying sorry for what one's no longer care? i laugh.

sorry has always been a powerful word, no doubt. But saying that often does not mean it's being violated and abused. Keeping it in silence hurts more. If one says that it is such a powerful word, who would have say it so easily?

To some extent, i seriously admire people with the art of camouflage. So much has been covered under, yet they acted like a fragile, tidy, kind hearted and timid creature. i think they are the real "very brilliant creatures". By using it as a tool to survive, they make great success. really great! The art of camouflage has been so wonderfully practiced, although acted like saint, at the back, much has been said and criticized and stabbed. Are they not wonderful? Are they not? More often than not, they make great success than those who dare to speak.


i've tried my -bestest- i really had but i think we just don't get along. Because sincerity ain't there and faith in each others has gone nowhere...

i have the guts to say i am sincere, but you? Who knows? The art of camouflage does wonderful jobs.

disappointment. i'm letting things go. Romans 12:19 (thanks sarah for the verse :) )

Last,
I lost.


tired.

end here.


Love,
jaevon

放下．放空．放平．放心．放手

新来的小沙弥，对什么都好奇。秋天，禅院里红叶飞舞，小沙弥跑去问师父：「红叶这么美，为什么会掉呢？」
师父一笑：「因为冬天来了，树撑不住那么多叶子，只好舍。这不是『放弃』，是『放下』！」
冬天来了，小沙弥看见师兄们把院子里的水缸扣过来，又跑去问师父：「好好的水，为什么要倒掉呢？」
师父笑笑：「因为冬天冷，水结冻膨胀，会把缸撑破，所以要倒干净。这不是『真空』，是『放空』！」
大雪纷飞，厚厚的，一层又一层，积在几棵盆栽的龙柏上，师父吩咐徒弟合力把盆搬倒，让树躺下来。小和尚又不解了，急着问：「龙柏好好的，为什么弄倒？」
师父脸一整：「谁说好好的？你没见雪把柏叶都压塌了吗？再压就断了。那不是『放倒』，是『放平』，为了保护它，教它躺平休息休息，等雪霁再扶起来。」
天寒，加上全球金融危机，香油收入少多了，连小沙弥都紧张，跑去问师父怎么办？
「少你吃？少你穿了吗？」师父瞪一眼：「数数！柜里还挂了多少衣服？柴房里还堆了多少柴？仓房里还积了多少土豆？别想没有的，想想还有的；苦日子总会过去，春天总会来。你要放心。『放心』不是『不用心』，是把心安顿。」
春天果然跟着来了，大概因为冬天的雪水特别多，春花漫烂，更胜往年，前殿的香火也渐渐恢复往日的盛况。师父要出远门了，小沙弥追到山门：「师父您走了，我们怎么办？」
师父笑着挥挥手：「你们能放下、放空、放平、放心，我还有什么不能放手的呢？

刘墉

I HATE YOU!

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE


YOU STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID








I HATE STUPID MATHS!

DEAR MATHS, I NEVER LIKE YOU SINCE STANDARD 3. BEFORE STANDARD 3, WE'RE NOT FRIENDS EITHER.












I HATE YOU. GET LOST!
*But you can never go. If you go, I cannot fly. But if you stay, i cannot survive.

maths, tell me tell me why are you so hard to understand? and so "un-do-able"?


poke poke poke poke poke you until you die! Grhhhhhh!

一隻小豬、一隻綿羊和一頭乳牛，被關在同一個畜欄裡。

有一次，牧人捉住小豬，牠大聲號叫，猛烈地抗拒。

綿羊和乳牛討厭牠的號叫，便說：「他常常捉我們，我們並不大呼小叫。」

小豬聽了回答道：「捉你們和捉我完全是兩回事，他捉你們，

只是要你們的毛和乳汁，但是捉住我，卻是要我的命呢！」

立場不同、所處環境不同的人，很難了解對方的感受；
因此對別人的失意、挫折、傷痛，不宜幸災樂禍，

而應要有關懷、了解的心情。

* will translate this in english s.o.o.n

?

P.R.E.P.A.R.I.N.G

......























I am (....................). I want to (.........................). I hope I can (.........................). So, I must (..........................).


I start,
I am Jaevon. I want to fly. I hope i can improve more. So, i must study.
I am Jaevon. I want to rest. I hope i can rest. So, i must slap myself to keep myself awake... =.="

Now, you do it.